Funny Stuff

MazdaTom · Postby **MazdaTom** » Wed Dec 19, 2007 9:14

Why women should not take men shopping if they don't want to go.

After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband
accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men: he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.

Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she loved to shop, all the while browsing, ignoring her husband's pleas to be left out of it.

One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are fully documented by our staff and video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice "Code 3 in Housewares - get on it right away."

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on
layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department. A few did, thinking it was a store function.

8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

And last, but not least,

14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"

Regards,

Wal-mart

Postby **RX-7 Chris** » Wed Dec 19, 2007 9:14

I will have to try those, great ideas.

AIM WO4 · Postby **AIM WO4** » Thu Dec 20, 2007 9:14

12 Days of Christmas Correspondence

Dearest John:

I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.

With dearest love and affection, Agnes

***

December 15th

Dearest John:

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves.... I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.

All my love, Agnes

***

December 16th

Dear John:

Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity. Three French hens. They are just darling but I must insist.... you're just too kind.

Love Agnes

***

December 17th

Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really! They are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic.

Affectionately, Agnes

***

December 18th

Dearest John:

What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings: One for each finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, John, all those squawking birds were beginning to get on my nerves.

All my love, Agnes

***

December 19th

Dear John:

When I opened the door there were actually six geese-a-laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. PLEASE STOP!

Cordially, Agnes

***

December 20th

John:

What's with you and those birds???? Seven swans-a-swimming. What kind of joke is this? There's bird do-do all over the house and they never stop the racket. I'm a nervous wreck and I can't sleep all night. IT'S NOT FUNNY.......So stop with those birds.

Sincerely, Agnes

***

December 21st

OK Buster:

I think I prefer the birds. What am I going to do with eight maids-a-milking? It's not enough with all those birds and eight maids-a-milking, but they had to bring their own cows. There is poop all over the lawn and I can't move into my own house. Just lay off me. .

Ag

***

December 22nd

Hey:

What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers playing. And do they play! They never stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are upset and are stepping all over those screeching birds. No wonder they screech. What am I going to do? The neighbours have started a petition to evict me. You'll get yours.

From Ag

***

December 23rd

You Creep!

Now there's ten ladies dancing - I don't know why I call them ladies. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea My living room is a river of poop. The commissioner of buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned. I'm sicking the police on you.

One who means it, Ag

***

December 24th

Listen Idiot:

What's with the eleven lords a-leaping? All 234 of the birds are dead. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten swine.

Your sworn enemy, Miss Agnes McCallister

***

December 25th (From the law offices Taeker, Spedar, and Baegar)

Dear Sir:

This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling, which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McCallister. The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McCallister at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest.

tsx_guy · Postby **tsx_guy** » Thu Dec 20, 2007 9:14

loved the bored guy at walmart and John the gift giver is my hero.

MazdaTom · Postby **MazdaTom** » Fri Jan 04, 2008 9:14

http://www.local12.com/mediacenter/local.a...&navCatId=8

This did actually get aired too.

MazdaTom · Postby **MazdaTom** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 9:14

http://www.5min.com/Video/The-Dangers-of-L...Warming-3553546

GR-8 · Postby **GR-8** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 9:14

Guido those burn marks aren't good. You need to get some vintilation. :lol:

MazdaTom · Postby **MazdaTom** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 9:14

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Greek8 @ Jan 9 2008, 09:49 AM) [url=index.php?act=findpost&pid=17115]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/url]</div>

Guido those burn marks aren't good. You need to get some vintilation. [/b]

And how would you know about his burn marks??????? :P

GR-8 · Postby **GR-8** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 9:14

He only post whores about them on every other thread. I just can't seem to find them at the moment to post a link

tsx_guy · Postby **tsx_guy** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 9:14

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Greek8 @ Jan 9 2008, 10:54 AM) [url=index.php?act=findpost&pid=17120]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/url]</div>

He only post whores about them on every other thread. I just can't seem to find them at the moment to post a link[/b]

and you never will :lol:

GR-8 · Postby **GR-8** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 9:14

My bad. Does that sound cool? Do me a favor and fix that double post. (Hint Delete 116-118)

tsx_guy · Postby **tsx_guy** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 9:14

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Greek8 @ Jan 9 2008, 03:33 PM) [url=index.php?act=findpost&pid=17188]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/url]</div>

My bad. Does that sound cool? Do me a favor and fix that double post. (Hint Delete 116-118)[/b]

should be more or less fixed now... bucko

LM · Postby LM » Tue Jan 15, 2008 9:14

Funny

tsx_guy · Postby **tsx_guy** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 9:14

very nice, always a fan of bill the cat....

Postby **RX-7 Chris** » Mon Feb 18, 2008 9:14

I thought this was funny.

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